Just Put it Anywhere
Aug. 8th, 2013 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geeklover80Now it's almost a year until my wedding. Now we're going to have to start really making plans. For the last month or so I've pretty much put wedding stuff on the backburner. I still think about it most days. I've gotten accounts on both Loverly and Pinterest now to get wedding ideas. And singed up on this website The Knot. I think because of that we've started to get a lot of postcards in the mail from hotels and different venues for weddings.
The biggest bit of wedding news recently is that my wedding dress is now hanging in our closet. It came a little earlier than I had expected. They had initially said it come earlier than the date they gave me, but I didn't expect to get so much earlier. And despite all the bridal shows I've been watching lately it didn't really occur to me that I would actually be taking the dress home. I thought they'd keep it there and then I'd come in for a fitting right away and they would do alterations. But when they called and said to pick it up and that alterations would come closer to the wedding date, I thought okay we'll pick it up then. But Jean didn't want to pick it up because she was worried about something happening to it and she'd rather they be liable for the dress than us and she didn't know where we'd put it. But you have to pick the dress up within 14 days, so there was no choice. She suggested my mom could pick it up and keep it with her. But I didn't want my mom having to come down just to get the dress and I certainly didn't want to drive down to deliver it to her. Plus, I guess it's kind of weird but I didn't want my mom's creepy husband anywhere near it.
I thought we could just put it in our closet, but she didn't want Michael to be tempted to look at it. But I trust that Michael wouldn't do that. She suggested hanging it up on a hook in a front room of the house. But I was worried about the dog's getting near it. She said we could put up a hook and hang it up high up, but I still didn't like the idea. The hook could possibly fall and I didn't like the idea of the dress being out in the open like that. Ultimately, Michael just cleared some space in a top area of the closet where he has a bunch of shirt he doesn't need and we put it there.
The temptation to touch the dress on my part was pretty strong on my part. I had an urge to try it on again, but I had a bigger urge to not let it get dirty, so I resisted.
When we went to pick it up, Jean wanted me to try it on to make sure there were no tears or anything and that it wasn't to big that it couldn't be altered. I wanted to see how it looked since this one was different than the one I tried on. The one I initially tried on was a few sizes too small, soft white and the beading on top was gold. The one I bought was slightly bigger, white, and the beading was silver.
I was also a bit anxious because I still haven't been able to get the other dress out of my mind. It wasn't too big a deal because there wasn't much I could do about it since this dress was bought and paid for and I know that if I had bought the other one, this dress would still be on my mind.
When I tried this dress on and saw it on me I felt a lot better about my decision, both in switching to the white and in choosing this dress. The white didn't look glaringly different than the other one, but I did think the white and silver combo looked better on me. And as much as I liked the other dress and it was beautiful, it was very elegant. But I like how much more fun this dress is. I don't necessarily have exactly a fun personality, but I like having a more non-traditional fun dress.
I decided to try on a longer veil, but I didn't like this one too much.
This is the dress that I tried on with the gold beading. Don't know if you can tell the difference.
I'm still having trouble figuring out what I'm going to do with my hair and what kind of veil I'm going to wear. When I tried the dresses on initially I wanted to have my longer extensions, but didn't have a chance to get it done. But when I tried it on this time with the longer hair, I didn't like it. So I think I've at least narrowed down that I don't want to wear my hair long and straight or in one of those ballerina buns. But other than that, I have like a gazillion different styles that I've collected on Pinterest and took some pictures on my phone of some in a few magazines.
When I was younger, I always wanted to wear one of those veils that covers your face. And I think I'm still leaning that way. I tried one on like that when I tried on my dress. It went up to the middle of my chest, but I decided I didn't like it reaching there. I don't know though if I want it longer or shorter.
I'm still undecided about what to do about a maid of honor. My mother had asked me to ask my sister, and initially I wasn't sure about that since we're not very close, but I decided to do a family theme with the bridal party and I would have my sisters and my brothers and Michael would have his sister and his honorary brothers in the part. And that kind of worked out perfectly. But then I was talking to my mother the other day. She was bitching about my sister and how she never calls her and isn't there for her and isn't as close to her side of the family as she is to my dad's. And I agreed with some of it, but couldn't really judge my sister too much about it. I loathe being on the phone and rarely call anyone. I kind of appreciate that my sister is one of the only people in my family that doesn't complain that I don't call enough.
But it still made me think about how we really aren't very close at all. Part of me likes the idea of having her be the maid of honor because she's a very take charge person would probably be really helpful with making plans. But on the flip side of that she can be very bossy and controlling and very much a know it all and we would probably clash a lot. I don't really have a lot of options though. I don't have any non-online friends. I have one friend online who I've known for over ten years, but she lives pretty far away and it would be a stretch for her to even make the wedding.
I suggested to Mike that maybe I could have a male maid of honor, since I'm a bit closer to a couple of male members of my family. But he didn't think that was a good idea because it wouldn't match up with the groomsmen he has when it comes time for them to dance at the reception. I suggested that we just not do the groomsmen/bridesmaid dance. He suggested that we don't do any dancing at all (and yeah, nice try.) I still don't think he likes the idea. He's always considered that a little weird when he's heard about male made of honors and female "best men." And part of me doesn't like the idea of the symmetry being off with an uneven match-up of guys and girls. I thought about just having all bridesmaids and no one is the maid of honor, but I'm not sure if that really solves anything. So I'm very confused about what I'm going to do there.
The next thing we're really going to have to do is figure out a budget, which we've both avoided, partially because I'm not sure how to begin doing that. And I can tell the stress of money and the wedding is already starting to get to Mike. He found this place that he thought might be nice to have the wedding at and then he had a minor freak out when he found out it was like 20,000 dollars to have the wedding there. I tried to tell him that not all wedding venues would have that kind of price tag, but I'm not sure if he believes that.
We probably should have been doing this all along but for the first time we actually sat down and tried to figure out how much we spend from paycheck to paycheck and what we could cut out. It always astounds me how we're almost never able to save anything. The same thing used to happen to me when I was living at my mom's. The only real expense I had every month was the cable bill, and I generally bought my own food, but I could never seem to save anything. And it's the same now. We have the cable bill and the electric and Mike's car insurance and he has to pay off a credit card bill and groceries. And it all just seems to add up all the time and we barely have anything leftover.
Mike's even actively started looking for a second job which really worries me and makes me feel guilty since I can't find a job. Mike's barely Mike when he gets home from work because he's so dead tired from working 12-14 hour days. He needs the days off. But I can't really argue that we don't need the help.
So, that's all the wedding stuff for right now.
Stacey
The biggest bit of wedding news recently is that my wedding dress is now hanging in our closet. It came a little earlier than I had expected. They had initially said it come earlier than the date they gave me, but I didn't expect to get so much earlier. And despite all the bridal shows I've been watching lately it didn't really occur to me that I would actually be taking the dress home. I thought they'd keep it there and then I'd come in for a fitting right away and they would do alterations. But when they called and said to pick it up and that alterations would come closer to the wedding date, I thought okay we'll pick it up then. But Jean didn't want to pick it up because she was worried about something happening to it and she'd rather they be liable for the dress than us and she didn't know where we'd put it. But you have to pick the dress up within 14 days, so there was no choice. She suggested my mom could pick it up and keep it with her. But I didn't want my mom having to come down just to get the dress and I certainly didn't want to drive down to deliver it to her. Plus, I guess it's kind of weird but I didn't want my mom's creepy husband anywhere near it.
I thought we could just put it in our closet, but she didn't want Michael to be tempted to look at it. But I trust that Michael wouldn't do that. She suggested hanging it up on a hook in a front room of the house. But I was worried about the dog's getting near it. She said we could put up a hook and hang it up high up, but I still didn't like the idea. The hook could possibly fall and I didn't like the idea of the dress being out in the open like that. Ultimately, Michael just cleared some space in a top area of the closet where he has a bunch of shirt he doesn't need and we put it there.
The temptation to touch the dress on my part was pretty strong on my part. I had an urge to try it on again, but I had a bigger urge to not let it get dirty, so I resisted.
When we went to pick it up, Jean wanted me to try it on to make sure there were no tears or anything and that it wasn't to big that it couldn't be altered. I wanted to see how it looked since this one was different than the one I tried on. The one I initially tried on was a few sizes too small, soft white and the beading on top was gold. The one I bought was slightly bigger, white, and the beading was silver.
I was also a bit anxious because I still haven't been able to get the other dress out of my mind. It wasn't too big a deal because there wasn't much I could do about it since this dress was bought and paid for and I know that if I had bought the other one, this dress would still be on my mind.
When I tried this dress on and saw it on me I felt a lot better about my decision, both in switching to the white and in choosing this dress. The white didn't look glaringly different than the other one, but I did think the white and silver combo looked better on me. And as much as I liked the other dress and it was beautiful, it was very elegant. But I like how much more fun this dress is. I don't necessarily have exactly a fun personality, but I like having a more non-traditional fun dress.
I decided to try on a longer veil, but I didn't like this one too much.
This is the dress that I tried on with the gold beading. Don't know if you can tell the difference.
I'm still having trouble figuring out what I'm going to do with my hair and what kind of veil I'm going to wear. When I tried the dresses on initially I wanted to have my longer extensions, but didn't have a chance to get it done. But when I tried it on this time with the longer hair, I didn't like it. So I think I've at least narrowed down that I don't want to wear my hair long and straight or in one of those ballerina buns. But other than that, I have like a gazillion different styles that I've collected on Pinterest and took some pictures on my phone of some in a few magazines.
When I was younger, I always wanted to wear one of those veils that covers your face. And I think I'm still leaning that way. I tried one on like that when I tried on my dress. It went up to the middle of my chest, but I decided I didn't like it reaching there. I don't know though if I want it longer or shorter.
I'm still undecided about what to do about a maid of honor. My mother had asked me to ask my sister, and initially I wasn't sure about that since we're not very close, but I decided to do a family theme with the bridal party and I would have my sisters and my brothers and Michael would have his sister and his honorary brothers in the part. And that kind of worked out perfectly. But then I was talking to my mother the other day. She was bitching about my sister and how she never calls her and isn't there for her and isn't as close to her side of the family as she is to my dad's. And I agreed with some of it, but couldn't really judge my sister too much about it. I loathe being on the phone and rarely call anyone. I kind of appreciate that my sister is one of the only people in my family that doesn't complain that I don't call enough.
But it still made me think about how we really aren't very close at all. Part of me likes the idea of having her be the maid of honor because she's a very take charge person would probably be really helpful with making plans. But on the flip side of that she can be very bossy and controlling and very much a know it all and we would probably clash a lot. I don't really have a lot of options though. I don't have any non-online friends. I have one friend online who I've known for over ten years, but she lives pretty far away and it would be a stretch for her to even make the wedding.
I suggested to Mike that maybe I could have a male maid of honor, since I'm a bit closer to a couple of male members of my family. But he didn't think that was a good idea because it wouldn't match up with the groomsmen he has when it comes time for them to dance at the reception. I suggested that we just not do the groomsmen/bridesmaid dance. He suggested that we don't do any dancing at all (and yeah, nice try.) I still don't think he likes the idea. He's always considered that a little weird when he's heard about male made of honors and female "best men." And part of me doesn't like the idea of the symmetry being off with an uneven match-up of guys and girls. I thought about just having all bridesmaids and no one is the maid of honor, but I'm not sure if that really solves anything. So I'm very confused about what I'm going to do there.
The next thing we're really going to have to do is figure out a budget, which we've both avoided, partially because I'm not sure how to begin doing that. And I can tell the stress of money and the wedding is already starting to get to Mike. He found this place that he thought might be nice to have the wedding at and then he had a minor freak out when he found out it was like 20,000 dollars to have the wedding there. I tried to tell him that not all wedding venues would have that kind of price tag, but I'm not sure if he believes that.
We probably should have been doing this all along but for the first time we actually sat down and tried to figure out how much we spend from paycheck to paycheck and what we could cut out. It always astounds me how we're almost never able to save anything. The same thing used to happen to me when I was living at my mom's. The only real expense I had every month was the cable bill, and I generally bought my own food, but I could never seem to save anything. And it's the same now. We have the cable bill and the electric and Mike's car insurance and he has to pay off a credit card bill and groceries. And it all just seems to add up all the time and we barely have anything leftover.
Mike's even actively started looking for a second job which really worries me and makes me feel guilty since I can't find a job. Mike's barely Mike when he gets home from work because he's so dead tired from working 12-14 hour days. He needs the days off. But I can't really argue that we don't need the help.
So, that's all the wedding stuff for right now.
Stacey
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no subject
Date: 2013-08-08 02:44 pm (UTC)Regarding trying to save for the wedding, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to figure out where the money goes. Write down everything. The big stuff- mortgage, insurance, gas, groceries, etc, but also everything else. The coffee you picked up doing errands, the newspaper, netflix, everything. Comb through credit card/bank statements, note every time you use the ATM, keep receipts, etc. I was amazed to find out how much money we spent without being aware of it. Then figure out how to spend less- make coffee at home, use coupons/buy on sale, get rid of magazine/newspaper subscriptions, drive less, etc. (We were under the poverty line for a while after our second was born so every cent mattered, it's not easy but saving money even when you have very little income can be done but it isn't easy.)
no subject
Date: 2013-08-10 06:05 pm (UTC)Thanks for the advice. That's really helpful. Jean has been at us for awhile about coupons and we've started to use those a little more often and we've stopped eating out so much.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-08-08 03:29 pm (UTC)And if this helps you both learn how to budget and save that will be such a bonus! Have fun and don't get too stressed.
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Date: 2013-08-10 06:07 pm (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-08-08 03:39 pm (UTC)I had to chuckle over your dilemma of where-to-put-the-dress since I had the same problem when my dress was delivered to my house six months before my wedding. We had a tiny apartment and all my clothes were squashed into my closet but I didn't want to hang it in the open cuz I had two cats who delighted in climbing things they shouldn't. Eventually we cleared out a space in the coat closet and sealed it away from the cats :)
no subject
Date: 2013-08-10 06:09 pm (UTC)Hee! Glad you were able to keep the cats away from your dress.
Stacey
no subject
Date: 2013-08-09 12:11 am (UTC)I was my sister's maid of honor, and we've never been very close. (She's seven years older.) It worked out fine! I don't think you should stress too much about it. I was also the maid of honor at my cousin's wedding, and she and I aren't on speaking terms anymore, so. Ha! Wedding parties are usually full of people you'll eventually have a falling out with, so picking siblings is the best way to not be cranky when you see your wedding pictures, since you're less likely to have a permanent fight with them.
Nic's mom just sent me a book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I'm only a chapter in, but so far I'm really liking it. It sounds like you might be struggling in the job market because of how the United States favors extroverted behaviors over introverted ones. I'm an introvert, too, and have found it really frustrating at times how much more difficult a lot of things are for me because of that. I think this book will eventually talk about how introverts can use what comes naturally to them to impress potential employers, clients, etc. Maybe see if you can check it out from the library? If you're feeling self-conscious, you could also see if Mike would be interested in reading it, or you guys could read it to each other.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-10 06:15 pm (UTC)My sister's eight years old. I think that's part of why we don't get along. Though he biggest thing is that we're polar opposites.
Yeah, ultimately I don't have many options and it's not like we hate each other (most days :)) So I probably will go with her.
Sounds like a cool book, I''ll definitely be on the look out for it. I don't know if Mike would enjoy reading it. I guess I would qualify him as an introvert since he's quiet like me, but I think he can fake it a lot better than I can.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-08-11 06:23 pm (UTC)I'm sure, with the advice that other people have given you above, you will be able to find out a solution to the saving <3
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Date: 2013-08-12 05:28 pm (UTC)Yeah, I know I definitely have a lot of big things to tackle this month, like narrowing down a venue.
Stacey