History of Friendships
Nov. 30th, 2013 07:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geeklover80My last entry and some of the replies to it made me start to take a walk down memory lane and think about my past friendships and how I was when I was younger. Sometimes I think I always was as quiet as I am now, but really when I think about it I was actually the opposite. I used to be, from until maybe I was 6 or 7, quite the little chatterbox. So much so that people were constantly telling me to shut up. Okay, perhaps most of them weren't quite that harsh. But I did get told to "be quiet" a lot or the "OMG is she still talking" looks. I used to hang out with some of my cousins when we lived in New York when I was a kid and they were always annoyed by me. It's funny because when I go up for Thanksgiving to see my family, those same cousins marvel at how different I am. Now they want me to talk. I guess the difference now is that when you're younger you don't really have that filter that makes you analyze everything you say or worry about how you sound. But as I got older that filter went into overdrive.
While I haven't always been quiet, I think I have always been more comfortable one on one.I could handle groups when I was a kid. I used to always enjoy being around the kids at my various bus stops. But when it came to real friends, I've almost always had one or two friends and that was usually it. I don't know if that's so unusual or not. I had one best friend in pre-school. I still have a cute picture of us from our pre-school graduation. After that I don't think I had a best friend for awhile. It wasn't until we moved to Florida and I became friends with this girl named Sarah. We basically became friends because my mother and her mother became friends and she was over a lot. But we did like each other. She was my first, and unfortunately, last sleepover ever. I can't pinpoint an exact reason we stopped hanging out. Most likely it was because, for whatever reason, my mother and hers didn't spend as much time together so she wasn't around a lot. Also as much as I liked her, our personalities were different and I might have gotten a little tired of her. Plus, there was a stupid incident that was my brother's fault, where he kept trying to get us to fight each other so we decided to give in and just playfully fight. But she was a lot stronger than me and I think I got intimidated and took it too far and then she took it too far. After that things were a little awkward. It didn't help that we didn't go to the same school and I was becoming friends with two other girls.
The two other girls, Krista and I can't remember the other girl's name (it was something with a K), became friends when we were in the third grade because we were all terrified of horror movies and decided to start this club- I can't remember if it was anti-horror or what, just it had something to do with horror. We talked on the phone a lot and it was a fun friendship. Unfortunately, I always think I kind of ruined it because one of the other girls was really pretty and she was closer to my other friend than I was, and I remember as much as I liked her I had hoped that she ended up in another fourth grade class. Well, I got my wish but, maybe it was karma, after that me and the other girl Krista stopped being friends. I guess the other girl was the glue holding us together.
I had another friend in fourth grade Stephanie but unfortunately that friendship was short-lived. I think she lived in my neighborhood, so I decided to go to her house after school. Everything was fine until her dad came home and after awhile he started walking around in his underwear. I was a little creeped out by that, but I was still having fun. I think I was having so much fun I stayed later then I should have and my brother came to get me. When we got home and told my mom about the creepy dad, that was pretty much the end of that friendship.
My last true friend after that, and maybe my last true offline friend, was in middle school. At first when I started sixth grade they put me in this class that was for the advanced kids which was fine, except we were stuck in one class all day. One of the things I was most excited about for middle school was getting the chance to go to different classes and have different teachers. I can't remember the exact reason but I got a chance to change my schedule and got out of the class. I got put in a reading class and almost immediately me and this girl Nailah became fast friends. We were chatting so much that the teacher had to separate us that first day. We were friends all through middle school but unfortunately the transition to high school messed it up. I wanted to go to my sister's high school. My sister's school wasn't the greatest but it did have a really interesting academic program for the more advance kids. That's where Nailah was going. But my mom wanted me to go to my brother's school which was supposed to be smarter and more prestigious. Even though we didn't end up going to the same school we still kept in touch on the phone and her dad brought her over sometimes. Even though she only lived directly across town and about ten minutes away by car, my mother was unwilling to take me to Nailah's house very often and I think her parents probably got sick of her always coming over, but me staying away so she stopped coming over and gradually we lost touch.
After that I became more like I am now and just got quieter and quieter. I kind of became a project for a few people throughout high school. In ninth grade, I switched over to this journalism class and since I was kind of a late arrival, I ended up at a table by myself, which I didn't mind. But one day these jocks in class were goofing around too much and as "punishment" had to sit at my table. Now, I know the punishment wasn't having to sit next to the weird girl and just separating the group of guys but it kind of makes me laugh to think that their punishment was having to be near me. I thought the guys would keep their distance and not talk to me but they needed help with the few tests that were given in class so I just let them cheat off me. But I think other than that, they kind of took it as challenge to get me to talk. They were obsessed with Pulp Fiction and Full Metal Jacket and got me to watch it so I could understand their constant references. One of them even called me their little sister. But after the year was over, we never saw each other again (two of them were a couple of grades ahead of me.)
In tenth grade, this interesting kid Chris walked into my acting class. I didn't have a crush on him, but your eyes were immediately drawn to him because his clothes were so out there, as was his hair. I didn't try to talk to him or anything though. I usually spent the lunch period in the library, sometimes I ate, sometimes I didn't. One day, he just followed me to the library and sat at my table and basically talked my ear off. He basically made it his mission to get me to open up and to try to make me over. The next year, we met these two girls younger than us and they kind of became my friends, too. It was basically because of Chris I had any kind of memorable high school experiences. He was how I found out, embarrassingly, what 69 meant. We were doing some group project and he, or maybe someone else, made a joke about 69 and everyone laughed - except me. Everyone was incredulous that I didn't know. They kept saying "You know 69" as if saying it over and over would jog my memory. So I found out what that was and never forgot it. During another group project we kind of had a Breakfast Club experience where a bunch of us sat around a circle and told secrets and talked about sex. Chris and I even hung out a few times outside of class. I also skipped school for the first time (well for the first time in high school) because of him. But after I graduated, we lost touch. I had a few other scattered friends during high school, but those were usually people I talked to in class and we didn't interact other than that.
After that I became more isolated. I eventually started spending a lot of time on-line and even there I kept to my pattern of having one or two good friends. I met a few people after I really got into this couple on General Hospital. But my two best friends were this girl named Holly and a woman named Laura. Holly and I became fast friends and we started talking on the phone every night. Laura was kind of like a second mother to us.Unfortunately, I ended up having a lot of computer issues over time and didn't get to talk to them for awhile. During that time, Holly's life moved in a different direction and she got married and had a kid. We're basically just Facebook friends now. A few years ago, I reached out to Laura again and we started e-mailing everyday. But I haven't talked to her in awhile. After I became a fan of Torchwood I found a couple of other great friends. But again, with our lives going in different directions, and having different interests, we're just Facebook friends now, which kind of sucks.
And now I don't really have any off-line friends. Actually, that's not true. I've again kept to my pattern and have one best friend, I just happen to be sleeping with this friend. :) Michael is the person I feel comfortable around and can talk to and that's of course really great. But while I love him and I really appreciate my f-list I do wish I had one other friend to talk to.
So do you think that's odd - my pattern of one or two friends? Or is that normal and having big groups of friends what's unusual. Maybe neither is unusual and some people have a huge posse and others have that one best friend.
While I haven't always been quiet, I think I have always been more comfortable one on one.I could handle groups when I was a kid. I used to always enjoy being around the kids at my various bus stops. But when it came to real friends, I've almost always had one or two friends and that was usually it. I don't know if that's so unusual or not. I had one best friend in pre-school. I still have a cute picture of us from our pre-school graduation. After that I don't think I had a best friend for awhile. It wasn't until we moved to Florida and I became friends with this girl named Sarah. We basically became friends because my mother and her mother became friends and she was over a lot. But we did like each other. She was my first, and unfortunately, last sleepover ever. I can't pinpoint an exact reason we stopped hanging out. Most likely it was because, for whatever reason, my mother and hers didn't spend as much time together so she wasn't around a lot. Also as much as I liked her, our personalities were different and I might have gotten a little tired of her. Plus, there was a stupid incident that was my brother's fault, where he kept trying to get us to fight each other so we decided to give in and just playfully fight. But she was a lot stronger than me and I think I got intimidated and took it too far and then she took it too far. After that things were a little awkward. It didn't help that we didn't go to the same school and I was becoming friends with two other girls.
The two other girls, Krista and I can't remember the other girl's name (it was something with a K), became friends when we were in the third grade because we were all terrified of horror movies and decided to start this club- I can't remember if it was anti-horror or what, just it had something to do with horror. We talked on the phone a lot and it was a fun friendship. Unfortunately, I always think I kind of ruined it because one of the other girls was really pretty and she was closer to my other friend than I was, and I remember as much as I liked her I had hoped that she ended up in another fourth grade class. Well, I got my wish but, maybe it was karma, after that me and the other girl Krista stopped being friends. I guess the other girl was the glue holding us together.
I had another friend in fourth grade Stephanie but unfortunately that friendship was short-lived. I think she lived in my neighborhood, so I decided to go to her house after school. Everything was fine until her dad came home and after awhile he started walking around in his underwear. I was a little creeped out by that, but I was still having fun. I think I was having so much fun I stayed later then I should have and my brother came to get me. When we got home and told my mom about the creepy dad, that was pretty much the end of that friendship.
My last true friend after that, and maybe my last true offline friend, was in middle school. At first when I started sixth grade they put me in this class that was for the advanced kids which was fine, except we were stuck in one class all day. One of the things I was most excited about for middle school was getting the chance to go to different classes and have different teachers. I can't remember the exact reason but I got a chance to change my schedule and got out of the class. I got put in a reading class and almost immediately me and this girl Nailah became fast friends. We were chatting so much that the teacher had to separate us that first day. We were friends all through middle school but unfortunately the transition to high school messed it up. I wanted to go to my sister's high school. My sister's school wasn't the greatest but it did have a really interesting academic program for the more advance kids. That's where Nailah was going. But my mom wanted me to go to my brother's school which was supposed to be smarter and more prestigious. Even though we didn't end up going to the same school we still kept in touch on the phone and her dad brought her over sometimes. Even though she only lived directly across town and about ten minutes away by car, my mother was unwilling to take me to Nailah's house very often and I think her parents probably got sick of her always coming over, but me staying away so she stopped coming over and gradually we lost touch.
After that I became more like I am now and just got quieter and quieter. I kind of became a project for a few people throughout high school. In ninth grade, I switched over to this journalism class and since I was kind of a late arrival, I ended up at a table by myself, which I didn't mind. But one day these jocks in class were goofing around too much and as "punishment" had to sit at my table. Now, I know the punishment wasn't having to sit next to the weird girl and just separating the group of guys but it kind of makes me laugh to think that their punishment was having to be near me. I thought the guys would keep their distance and not talk to me but they needed help with the few tests that were given in class so I just let them cheat off me. But I think other than that, they kind of took it as challenge to get me to talk. They were obsessed with Pulp Fiction and Full Metal Jacket and got me to watch it so I could understand their constant references. One of them even called me their little sister. But after the year was over, we never saw each other again (two of them were a couple of grades ahead of me.)
In tenth grade, this interesting kid Chris walked into my acting class. I didn't have a crush on him, but your eyes were immediately drawn to him because his clothes were so out there, as was his hair. I didn't try to talk to him or anything though. I usually spent the lunch period in the library, sometimes I ate, sometimes I didn't. One day, he just followed me to the library and sat at my table and basically talked my ear off. He basically made it his mission to get me to open up and to try to make me over. The next year, we met these two girls younger than us and they kind of became my friends, too. It was basically because of Chris I had any kind of memorable high school experiences. He was how I found out, embarrassingly, what 69 meant. We were doing some group project and he, or maybe someone else, made a joke about 69 and everyone laughed - except me. Everyone was incredulous that I didn't know. They kept saying "You know 69" as if saying it over and over would jog my memory. So I found out what that was and never forgot it. During another group project we kind of had a Breakfast Club experience where a bunch of us sat around a circle and told secrets and talked about sex. Chris and I even hung out a few times outside of class. I also skipped school for the first time (well for the first time in high school) because of him. But after I graduated, we lost touch. I had a few other scattered friends during high school, but those were usually people I talked to in class and we didn't interact other than that.
After that I became more isolated. I eventually started spending a lot of time on-line and even there I kept to my pattern of having one or two good friends. I met a few people after I really got into this couple on General Hospital. But my two best friends were this girl named Holly and a woman named Laura. Holly and I became fast friends and we started talking on the phone every night. Laura was kind of like a second mother to us.Unfortunately, I ended up having a lot of computer issues over time and didn't get to talk to them for awhile. During that time, Holly's life moved in a different direction and she got married and had a kid. We're basically just Facebook friends now. A few years ago, I reached out to Laura again and we started e-mailing everyday. But I haven't talked to her in awhile. After I became a fan of Torchwood I found a couple of other great friends. But again, with our lives going in different directions, and having different interests, we're just Facebook friends now, which kind of sucks.
And now I don't really have any off-line friends. Actually, that's not true. I've again kept to my pattern and have one best friend, I just happen to be sleeping with this friend. :) Michael is the person I feel comfortable around and can talk to and that's of course really great. But while I love him and I really appreciate my f-list I do wish I had one other friend to talk to.
So do you think that's odd - my pattern of one or two friends? Or is that normal and having big groups of friends what's unusual. Maybe neither is unusual and some people have a huge posse and others have that one best friend.
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no subject
Date: 2013-12-01 03:56 am (UTC)But the class did lead me to other things. I had my friend in that class and some interesting experiences. And in my second year there were several different projects we did, one had us directing a play. I really took to that, which lead me to deciding I wanted to direct, which lead me to applying to film schools for college and getting in to a couple. It was also one of the classes that re-awakened my love of writing.
I definitely hate standing up in front of people. For college, one of the required courses is a speech class and I'm already dreading it.
Online friends are great. :)
Stacey
no subject
Date: 2013-12-01 11:57 am (UTC)I do think that (for me) it's good to stay in touch with some people, even if they're not the closest friends (anymore). I'm not saying that it's bad to only have Michael as your friend (and more) right now, but I think in general it can be a bit "dangerous" to only have one friend? (As in if something were to happen or just because sometimes multiple point of views are nice? etc.) Idk, please don't feel pressured by me, but I know that earlier this year I lost some friends who in the past two years were some of my closest friends and it was hard to move on from that without the help of anyone else. ETA: By saying that I didn't mean to imply that I think you and Mike will break up or anything! :O It was just a general thought, really!
no subject
Date: 2013-12-04 07:09 am (UTC)Stacey
no subject
Date: 2013-12-01 02:31 pm (UTC)The first 'best friend' I made after high school changed me a lot. She learned me how to socialize again, how to make any other friends apart from her. But you should probably know she and another close friend of mine started off as online mates. If you aren't the best in socializing, meeting people you've known for ages online can make it a lot easier. You don't need to get to know each other, you already do! You just have to practize putting it into real life words :)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-04 07:43 am (UTC)I've only met one of my online friends in real life. It was a little awkward at first, but it got easier as we spent more time together. I think it would be hard for me at first with even my online friends, especially if we were in a group.
Stacey