Pre-Pre Wedding Planning
Mar. 6th, 2013 02:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geeklover80My boyfriend and I aren't "officially" engaged but, since at least our third month together, we've talked about little wedding details here and there, like what kind of songs we'd want played at the reception (we do it for baby names, too.) The other day we were at Lowe's and I was extremely bored. They started playing Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are." I started thinking about how people sometimes don't use the traditional wedding match to walk down the aisle. I asked Mike about his sister's wedding, because I remember he said she had a Star Wars-themed wedding, and he said she waled down the aisle to some Star Wars instrumental. Kind of as a goof, I said that maybe I should walk down the aisle to "Just the Way You Are." He said no. He didn't think it really felt like the right tempo song to walk down the aisle to.
That kind of started us spending the day talking about wedding details throughout the day. I asked him if he would help me plan the wedding. For some reason he made me laugh by saying, "I'll voice my opinion." I asked him about picking out his tux and it really wasn't a big deal to him. He said all tuxes look the same to him. He said he would help me with things like cups and plates. Now stuff like that is minimally important to me, but not a big deal, but the clothes are. So, later I said maybe he should be in charge of the cups and plates. Again he made me laugh when he said no. He said he's willing to help, but he doesn't want to be in charge of anything solely.
Later, we went to Wal-Mart and while waiting for a co-worker of his I decided to flip through some wedding magazines. I decided to show Michael the dresses I liked. It turns out he definitely was not kidding about voicing his opinion. I thought he might just shrug his shoulders and not say much or say something like whatever I liked was fine, but he vetoed the first dress because he thought the dress was too long. With the second one, he said I could do better. For the next one he said it was too complicated. He liked the next few, but there was one he said he liked, but the side train was too long. He is not a fan of really long dresses. He sees no point in having part of your dress sweeping the ground, which I kind of get, but that's the whole point of the train. After he said another dress was too complicated, I picked something I liked that was fairly simple. He said that was too plain. I laughed and pointed out that he didn't like some of the more intricate dresses I was picking out. He's basically like Goldilocks. He doesn't want one too frilly, not one that's too simple either.
With my phone, I took some pictures from the magazine. I decided that maybe I should show Mike's mom the pictures and see what she thought. I started to second guess the idea because I knew that Jean would decide that maybe we should go to a store in person and check out dresses, which I didn't want to do. And I was right. She suggested we go to David's Bridal. I didn't really say anything and hoped she'd let it drop. But the next day she asked again and I decided to go. I'd been saying no to her a lot when she suggested doing stuff together. I was really preoccupied with writing and there were some things I wasn't interested in doing. So this time, I decided to just say yes. But I didn't plan on trying on any dresses. It felt weird to me to be trying on dresses when Mike and I aren't officially engaged. Plus, nothing makes me feel more like a beached whale than trying on clothes. I didn't see the point to trying on dresses when I'm in the process of losing weight. But when we got there they asked if I wanted to try anything on and Jean and her mother said I'd like to try on some stuff. They said they wanted to see me in some dresses and get an idea of what would look good on me, since most of the dresses I'd picked where strapless and with my chest being pretty ample, they weren't sure how that'd work out.
There were a lot of amazing dresses and I was having trouble picking. I picked my top three and was given instructions on what to do. I felt so weird even putting on the wedding undergarments. I thought hopefully we wouldn't be there too long. I put on the first dress and still felt a little odd and when I stepped out. Jean and her mother's reactions were great. They loved the dress. I felt a little self-conscious since the other people who were in the fitting area were staring, too. It's kind of silly to be self-conscious in that situation because when your the bride all eyes are going to be on you, so I'm just going to have to get used to it.I wasn'tcompletely sold on the dress. There were still a lot of other good ones to try on. Given Jean and her mother's reactions I was worried that they wouldn't like the other dresses because they were so in love with that one. The other two weren't as well received. Though that may have been partly because those dresses were too big and weren't fastened that well, so they never really looked right.
The fourth dress was this lace one, I'd spotted in the rack and that the consultant had also pointed out to me. I've always had a huge thing for lace. Some of my favorite shirts are lace ones. So I did have high hopes for that one. Unfortunately, the dressing room I was in didn't have a mirror so I couldn't see myself until I stepped out. But even looking down at it, I really liked it. When I stepped out, Jean and her mother actually started crying. Everyone in the store, even another woman trying on a gown said I looked great. It did feel really good. While I really love it, I still didn't want to say yes to the dress until I was 100%. But that one is the top contender. I showed my mother the pictures of the dresses and that one is her favorite. She said she didn't need to see anymore. The one drawback to the lace dress is the beaded top kind of chafes against my skin under my arms. I'm really sensitive there. I'm hoping if I put a powder there, it'll help.
I started off the appointment feeling uncomfortable and wanting to make sure we weren't there too long. But I ended up really liking it and not wanting to leave. I guess it really helps when you're trying stuff on and people keep complimenting you. I tried on a couple of other dresses, one I kind of liked. They suggested I make a follow-up appointment, so my mother (and maybe my sister) could be there and I could try on more. On our way home we talked about Mike and I potentially having to take dancing lessons and me maybe having to wear heels. I'm not a fan of the idea, even small heels. That's kind of funny to me because when I was younger I used to try on my mother's heels all the time and couldn't wait to get the chance to wear them when I got older. But I just don't now and I don't relish trying to not only learn how to walk in heels, but dance in them as well.
My mother texted me and said that she wanted Mike and his mother to come up to her house to make it an official engagement. She said that's what my father did. I kind of laughed to myself a little because it felt like she was suggesting he ask for my hand in marriage. When I talked to her later she actually used those words. I was shocked. It was even weirder because she said his mother should ask for my hand in marriage. She amended it to say she didn't mean that literally, but that she wanted Jean and Mike to go there and for Mike to declare his intentions, which didn't sound much better to me. I could barely get through the explanation to Mike without laughing every time I got to the hand in marriage part.
Mike and I have now ended up talking wedding stuff for days now. It still feels kind of odd to me because we're not officially engaged. I think I'm the only one hung up on that issue. I've always been hung up on technicalities. When I talked to Michael about feeling weird about it, he said that he doesn't want to propose until he can afford a ring and save up for the wedding, which makes sense. A part of me is a little worried about all this wedding talk and acting as if getting married is a foregone conclusion will kind of dilute the moment when he actually proposes. But it basically is a foregone conclusion and a wedding won't be for awhile either way, so doing some pre-planning won't really hurt.
There's still A LOT to decide.I still have no idea who my maid of honor will be or who will walk me down the aisle. After my dad died I thought I would ask my Uncle Ernst. But he died last year and I'm not as close with my other uncles. Mike and I did decide that maybe we wanted to get married in a park. We don't want to do a beach wedding and neither of us is religious, so a church is kind of out. But his mother suggested we rent a hall. The honeymoon is a big question mark. Money is a huge issue. My dream destinations (Italy and England) are definitely out. But I'd like to go out of state. Even though it's somewhere I've already been (having been born there and partially grew up there) I thought about New York. But Mike said he thought we should stay in Florida because plane tickets are expensive. I still don't know. Location is an issue. My mother is pushing for Orlando because it would be closer to her, but Mike isn't too keen on the idea since really she's the only one who would benefit from that set-up. I wouldn't really want to have to travel for two hours on my wedding day. Still a lot to do.
Stacey
That kind of started us spending the day talking about wedding details throughout the day. I asked him if he would help me plan the wedding. For some reason he made me laugh by saying, "I'll voice my opinion." I asked him about picking out his tux and it really wasn't a big deal to him. He said all tuxes look the same to him. He said he would help me with things like cups and plates. Now stuff like that is minimally important to me, but not a big deal, but the clothes are. So, later I said maybe he should be in charge of the cups and plates. Again he made me laugh when he said no. He said he's willing to help, but he doesn't want to be in charge of anything solely.
Later, we went to Wal-Mart and while waiting for a co-worker of his I decided to flip through some wedding magazines. I decided to show Michael the dresses I liked. It turns out he definitely was not kidding about voicing his opinion. I thought he might just shrug his shoulders and not say much or say something like whatever I liked was fine, but he vetoed the first dress because he thought the dress was too long. With the second one, he said I could do better. For the next one he said it was too complicated. He liked the next few, but there was one he said he liked, but the side train was too long. He is not a fan of really long dresses. He sees no point in having part of your dress sweeping the ground, which I kind of get, but that's the whole point of the train. After he said another dress was too complicated, I picked something I liked that was fairly simple. He said that was too plain. I laughed and pointed out that he didn't like some of the more intricate dresses I was picking out. He's basically like Goldilocks. He doesn't want one too frilly, not one that's too simple either.
With my phone, I took some pictures from the magazine. I decided that maybe I should show Mike's mom the pictures and see what she thought. I started to second guess the idea because I knew that Jean would decide that maybe we should go to a store in person and check out dresses, which I didn't want to do. And I was right. She suggested we go to David's Bridal. I didn't really say anything and hoped she'd let it drop. But the next day she asked again and I decided to go. I'd been saying no to her a lot when she suggested doing stuff together. I was really preoccupied with writing and there were some things I wasn't interested in doing. So this time, I decided to just say yes. But I didn't plan on trying on any dresses. It felt weird to me to be trying on dresses when Mike and I aren't officially engaged. Plus, nothing makes me feel more like a beached whale than trying on clothes. I didn't see the point to trying on dresses when I'm in the process of losing weight. But when we got there they asked if I wanted to try anything on and Jean and her mother said I'd like to try on some stuff. They said they wanted to see me in some dresses and get an idea of what would look good on me, since most of the dresses I'd picked where strapless and with my chest being pretty ample, they weren't sure how that'd work out.
There were a lot of amazing dresses and I was having trouble picking. I picked my top three and was given instructions on what to do. I felt so weird even putting on the wedding undergarments. I thought hopefully we wouldn't be there too long. I put on the first dress and still felt a little odd and when I stepped out. Jean and her mother's reactions were great. They loved the dress. I felt a little self-conscious since the other people who were in the fitting area were staring, too. It's kind of silly to be self-conscious in that situation because when your the bride all eyes are going to be on you, so I'm just going to have to get used to it.I wasn'tcompletely sold on the dress. There were still a lot of other good ones to try on. Given Jean and her mother's reactions I was worried that they wouldn't like the other dresses because they were so in love with that one. The other two weren't as well received. Though that may have been partly because those dresses were too big and weren't fastened that well, so they never really looked right.
The fourth dress was this lace one, I'd spotted in the rack and that the consultant had also pointed out to me. I've always had a huge thing for lace. Some of my favorite shirts are lace ones. So I did have high hopes for that one. Unfortunately, the dressing room I was in didn't have a mirror so I couldn't see myself until I stepped out. But even looking down at it, I really liked it. When I stepped out, Jean and her mother actually started crying. Everyone in the store, even another woman trying on a gown said I looked great. It did feel really good. While I really love it, I still didn't want to say yes to the dress until I was 100%. But that one is the top contender. I showed my mother the pictures of the dresses and that one is her favorite. She said she didn't need to see anymore. The one drawback to the lace dress is the beaded top kind of chafes against my skin under my arms. I'm really sensitive there. I'm hoping if I put a powder there, it'll help.
I started off the appointment feeling uncomfortable and wanting to make sure we weren't there too long. But I ended up really liking it and not wanting to leave. I guess it really helps when you're trying stuff on and people keep complimenting you. I tried on a couple of other dresses, one I kind of liked. They suggested I make a follow-up appointment, so my mother (and maybe my sister) could be there and I could try on more. On our way home we talked about Mike and I potentially having to take dancing lessons and me maybe having to wear heels. I'm not a fan of the idea, even small heels. That's kind of funny to me because when I was younger I used to try on my mother's heels all the time and couldn't wait to get the chance to wear them when I got older. But I just don't now and I don't relish trying to not only learn how to walk in heels, but dance in them as well.
My mother texted me and said that she wanted Mike and his mother to come up to her house to make it an official engagement. She said that's what my father did. I kind of laughed to myself a little because it felt like she was suggesting he ask for my hand in marriage. When I talked to her later she actually used those words. I was shocked. It was even weirder because she said his mother should ask for my hand in marriage. She amended it to say she didn't mean that literally, but that she wanted Jean and Mike to go there and for Mike to declare his intentions, which didn't sound much better to me. I could barely get through the explanation to Mike without laughing every time I got to the hand in marriage part.
Mike and I have now ended up talking wedding stuff for days now. It still feels kind of odd to me because we're not officially engaged. I think I'm the only one hung up on that issue. I've always been hung up on technicalities. When I talked to Michael about feeling weird about it, he said that he doesn't want to propose until he can afford a ring and save up for the wedding, which makes sense. A part of me is a little worried about all this wedding talk and acting as if getting married is a foregone conclusion will kind of dilute the moment when he actually proposes. But it basically is a foregone conclusion and a wedding won't be for awhile either way, so doing some pre-planning won't really hurt.
There's still A LOT to decide.I still have no idea who my maid of honor will be or who will walk me down the aisle. After my dad died I thought I would ask my Uncle Ernst. But he died last year and I'm not as close with my other uncles. Mike and I did decide that maybe we wanted to get married in a park. We don't want to do a beach wedding and neither of us is religious, so a church is kind of out. But his mother suggested we rent a hall. The honeymoon is a big question mark. Money is a huge issue. My dream destinations (Italy and England) are definitely out. But I'd like to go out of state. Even though it's somewhere I've already been (having been born there and partially grew up there) I thought about New York. But Mike said he thought we should stay in Florida because plane tickets are expensive. I still don't know. Location is an issue. My mother is pushing for Orlando because it would be closer to her, but Mike isn't too keen on the idea since really she's the only one who would benefit from that set-up. I wouldn't really want to have to travel for two hours on my wedding day. Still a lot to do.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:16 am (UTC)I actually did feel very comfortable about not falling out of it. That was one of Jean's concerns that I'd constantly have to be pulling the top up. But they gave me great undergarments. I even asked the lady if they sold the bustier, or whatever it's called that I had on, in regular stores because it fit great and nothing spilled out. And I tested it. I've been having horrible luck with strapless bras, with my boob falling out if you bent down even slightly.
I was thinking that maybe they could remove the seams in that area. I've seen Say Yes to the Dress and shows like that and it does seem like it might be a possibiility. I'll have to ask them about that.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll definitely see if I can find a running store or BodyGlide around here.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 11:45 am (UTC)Sometimes parents can be conservative - especially regarding weddings. Often they want to follow some traditions and for your Mom it seems important to have Mike and his mother asking her officially. It might seem old fashioned and ridiculous to you but if it doesn't hurt I would humour her in this.
I don't know how traditional you are but why can't your mother walk you down the aisle? Having a parent at your side is a sign that your family gives the responsibility for you to another one (aka your husband) in your life. And your mother is your family. Who says it can't be her?
In Germany and Scandinavia couples usually go down the aisle together to symbolize equal partnership. That's what I prefer but in the end it's your decision alone and you need to be comfortable with it.
I love the first dress with the beads. You look stunning! Even without all the shi shi. Imagine you in full wedding gear with hair done and make-up and everything. Wow!
I think the first one is so much more flattering on your figure. Question is if you're comfortable with it (except for the bead problem under the arms) because it's strapless and if you have quite a bit of breast it can be annoying to hold up. Plus you would need a strapless bra. These are a pain... IMO. But hey, it's your wedding, you should look gorgeous and unfortunately that sometimes needs a tiny bit of being uncomfortable.
Btw... you could have shoes with a small heel for the actual ceremony and the pictures and then change to flats afterwards at the party. Simple ballerinas would do. Most of my friends did it that way. And under your gown nobody sees the difference anyway.
That were my 5 cents;P
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:23 am (UTC)I'd never really thought about it being my mother walking me down the aisle. That does seem like a good idea. My mom is traditional, so I don't know if she'd go for it but I'll definitely have to ask her about that.
Thank you!
The top fit really well and the strapless bustier they gave me to wear heald eveything in place. The only dresses that I had to keep lifting up were the ones that were oversized. I definitely know that strapless bras can be annoying. I've rarely been able to find a good one.
Thanks for the suggestions. That does make sense to wear the heels and then swich to more comfortable shoes for the reception. Like you said no one will really be able to see under the dress. Mike and I went to the store the other day and I walked around in some heels. I think I can perfect balancing in them. I'll definitely go for a short, probably wedge type heel. And hopefully I can find something more comfortable.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 11:59 am (UTC)See this http://www.polkadotbride.com/2009/12/fabulous-flat-bridal-shoes/
It's an Australian site, but you get the idea.
(as an aside, I'm a European size 39. I bought a beautiful pair of cream lace shoes that I didn't end up wearing. You might be interested? They cost me $300 but really I'm happy to take anything for them)
As for organisation - unless your mother is willing to do all the legwork, keep it close to home. I organised my whole thing essentially by myself and I would have really really been super stressed if it was out of town to me.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 06:30 am (UTC)Those are some cute shoes on that site.
We'll probably keep it here. Like Mike said, it really only benefits her to move it closer there and if Mike's family can travel out of state, I think she can handle a couple of hours drive.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 02:09 pm (UTC)As for the asking for your hand in marriage... I would expect that my partner would ask my father at least and I would ask his family if I planned to pop the question too. When I told my partner, he kinda laughed at me the first time, but I am one for tradition. Does Mike object to asking your mum? Or would he have done it even if it hadn't been suggested? Not sure about his mother being involved though...
For the dress, the first one definitely looks better on you. I don't think I'd have the courage to go into a store to try on dresses without being officially engaged. *thinks of Muriel's Wedding*
Oh, and shoes! My cousin wore purple Converse! There was no way she was wearing heels, she couldn't find wedding flats she liked and her dress hid them wonderfully. She kept them a secret for most of the time and when the acting-mother-of-the-bride saw them on the morning of the wedding after my cousin had her dress on, she almost flipped. It was a really good talking point after the ceremony though, when everyone else found out. Most people thought it was kool. Long story short, you don't have to wear heels if you aren't comfortable in them.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 06:36 am (UTC)Mike doesn't really object. We both just really thought it was funny and odd how she put it. He's not going to "ask for my hand" but he is respectful enough to want to make sure my mom knows how he feels about me and what being married will mean to him.
I definitely felt odd trying on dresses not being engaged. I had planned on lying if the bridal store people asked, but Jean already admitted we weren't officially engaged and they were pretty understanding about it.
LOL, purple converse. Purple is my favorite color. :) My mom would go into a rage blackout if I tried to wear sneakers with my dress.
I think I like the idea of wearing a very small heel to the wedding, but more comfortable shoes to the reception.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-09 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-11 04:35 am (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 02:57 pm (UTC)Good luck with your wedding planning venture!
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:38 am (UTC)I think I'm leaning toward the first dress. I like the second, but every time I look at it I can't help thinking of "Four Weddings and A Funeral" and Kristin Scott Thomas' line, "Charlotte, you're blind she looks like a big merengue."
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-09 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-11 04:39 am (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 03:14 pm (UTC)As far as the dress goes; at the end of the day so long as you feel like you look the most beautiful girl in the world then all other opinions are invalid. It's your dress, and I hope you find the one that makes you the happiest.
YAY FOR WEDDING PLANNING!
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:43 am (UTC)Apparently, Mike's opinion doesn't really count. When I first got the store, I started looking through the magazine and vetoed a dress because Mike said he didn't want something too complicated. Everyone, including the salespeaople, were like "Yeah his opinion doesn't really matter. As soon as he see the dress he'll love it..." I still keep what he said in mind. I definitely want to make sure that I'm the most comfortable with the dress.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 07:23 pm (UTC)I wouldn't worry too much about how to fulfill the "traditional" wedding requirements. You could have your mom walk you down the aisle or a close friend or even Mike himself. Your wedding should be about what you and Mike want. Don't let yourself get bogged down in what you think other people expect. Whenever it happens. :-)
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:45 am (UTC)I'm thinking of asking my mother to walk me down the aisle. She's very traditional, so I don't know if she'd go for it. But it makes sense.
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-09 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 07:32 am (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-06 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 06:47 am (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-07 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 06:49 am (UTC)I'm not a stranger to being selfish, so I'm going to try and be a little selfish about my choices. Though I certainly have no intentions of becoming a Bridezilla. :)
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-09 06:51 am (UTC)I like that even if the wedding isn't for awhile, getting some of these details kind of settled. There were still be plenty of stuff to figure out later.
I hope the planning doesn't become too much of a nightmare.
Stacey
no subject
Date: 2013-03-08 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-09 06:51 am (UTC)Stacey