geeklover80 | Pre-Pre Wedding Planning

My boyfriend and I aren't "officially" engaged but, since at least our third month together, we've talked about little wedding details here and there, like what kind of songs we'd want played at the reception (we do it for baby names, too.) The other day we were at Lowe's and I was extremely bored. They started playing Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are." I started thinking about how people sometimes don't use the traditional wedding match to walk down the aisle. I asked Mike about his sister's wedding, because I remember he said she had a Star Wars-themed wedding, and he said she waled down the aisle to some Star Wars instrumental. Kind of as a goof, I said that maybe I should walk down the aisle to "Just the Way You Are." He said no. He didn't think it really felt like the right tempo song to walk down the aisle to.

That kind of started us spending the day talking about wedding details throughout the day. I asked him if he would help me plan the wedding. For some reason he made me laugh by saying, "I'll voice my opinion." I asked him about picking out his tux and it really wasn't a big deal to him. He said all tuxes look the same to him. He said he would help me with things like cups and plates. Now stuff like that is minimally important to me, but not a big deal, but the clothes are. So, later I said maybe he should be in charge of the cups and plates. Again he made me laugh when he said no. He said he's willing to help, but he doesn't want to be in charge of anything solely.

Later, we went to Wal-Mart and while waiting for a co-worker of his I decided to flip through some wedding magazines. I decided to show Michael the dresses I liked. It turns out he definitely was not kidding about voicing his opinion. I thought he might just shrug his shoulders and not say much or say something like whatever I liked was fine, but he vetoed the first dress because he thought the dress was too long. With the second one, he said I could do better. For the next one he said it was too complicated. He liked the next few, but there was one he said he liked, but the side train was too long. He is not a fan of really long dresses. He sees no point in having part of your dress sweeping the ground, which I kind of get, but that's the whole point of the train. After he said another dress was too complicated, I picked something I liked that was fairly simple. He said that was too plain. I laughed and pointed out that he didn't like some of the more intricate dresses I was picking out. He's basically like Goldilocks. He doesn't want one too frilly, not one that's too simple either.

With my phone, I took some pictures from the magazine. I decided that maybe I should show Mike's mom the pictures and see what she thought. I started to second guess the idea because I knew that Jean would decide that maybe we should go to a store in person and check out dresses, which I didn't want to do. And I was right. She suggested we go to David's Bridal. I didn't really say anything and hoped she'd let it drop. But the next day she asked again and I decided to go. I'd been saying no to her a lot when she suggested doing stuff together. I was really preoccupied with writing and there were some things I wasn't interested in doing. So this time, I decided to just say yes. But I didn't plan on trying on any dresses. It felt weird to me to be trying on dresses when Mike and I aren't officially engaged. Plus, nothing makes me feel more like a beached whale than trying on clothes. I didn't see the point to trying on dresses when I'm in the process of losing weight. But when we got there they asked if I wanted to try anything on and Jean and her mother said I'd like to try on some stuff. They said they wanted to see me in some dresses and get an idea of what would look good on me, since most of the dresses I'd picked where strapless and with my chest being pretty ample, they weren't sure how that'd work out.

There were a lot of amazing dresses and I was having trouble picking. I picked my top three and was given instructions on what to do. I felt so weird even putting on the wedding undergarments. I thought hopefully we wouldn't be there too long. I put on the first dress and still felt a little odd and when I stepped out. Jean and her mother's reactions were great. They loved the dress. I felt a little self-conscious since the other people who were in the fitting area were staring, too. It's kind of silly to be self-conscious in that situation because when your the bride all eyes are going to be on you, so I'm just going to have to get used to it.I wasn'tcompletely sold on the dress. There were still a lot of other good ones to try on. Given Jean and her mother's reactions I was worried that they wouldn't like the other dresses because they were so in love with that one. The other two weren't as well received. Though that may have been partly because those dresses were too big and weren't fastened that well, so they never really looked right.

The fourth dress was this lace one, I'd spotted in the rack and that the consultant had also pointed out to me. I've always had a huge thing for lace. Some of my favorite shirts are lace ones. So I did have high hopes for that one. Unfortunately, the dressing room I was in didn't have a mirror so I couldn't see myself until I stepped out. But even looking down at it, I really liked it. When I stepped out, Jean and her mother actually started crying. Everyone in the store, even another woman trying on a gown said I looked great. It did feel really good. While I really love it, I still didn't want to say yes to the dress until I was 100%. But that one is the top contender. I showed my mother the pictures of the dresses and that one is her favorite. She said she didn't need to see anymore. The one drawback to the lace dress is the beaded top kind of chafes against my skin under my arms. I'm really sensitive there. I'm hoping if I put a powder there, it'll help.

I started off the appointment feeling uncomfortable and wanting to make sure we weren't there too long. But I ended up really liking it and not wanting to leave. I guess it really helps when you're trying stuff on and people keep complimenting you. I tried on a couple of other dresses, one I kind of liked. They suggested I make a follow-up appointment, so my mother (and maybe my sister) could be there and I could try on more. On our way home we talked about Mike and I potentially having to take dancing lessons and me maybe having to wear heels. I'm not a fan of the idea, even small heels. That's kind of funny to me because when I was younger I used to try on my mother's heels all the time and couldn't wait to get the chance to wear them when I got older. But I just don't now and I don't relish trying to not only learn how to walk in heels, but dance in them as well.

My mother texted me and said that she wanted Mike and his mother to come up to her house to make it an official engagement. She said that's what my father did. I kind of laughed to myself a little because it felt like she was suggesting he ask for my hand in marriage. When I talked to her later she actually used those words. I was shocked. It was even weirder because she said his mother should ask for my hand in marriage. She amended it to say she didn't mean that literally, but that she wanted Jean and Mike to go there and for Mike to declare his intentions, which didn't sound much better to me. I could barely get through the explanation to Mike without laughing every time I got to the hand in marriage part.

Mike and I have now ended up talking wedding stuff for days now. It still feels kind of odd to me because we're not officially engaged. I think I'm the only one hung up on that issue. I've always been hung up on technicalities. When I talked to Michael about feeling weird about it, he said that he doesn't want to propose until he can afford a ring and save up for the wedding, which makes sense. A part of me is a little worried about all this wedding talk and acting as if getting married is a foregone conclusion will kind of dilute the moment when he actually proposes. But it basically is a foregone conclusion and a wedding won't be for awhile either way, so doing some pre-planning won't really hurt.

There's still A LOT to decide.I still have no idea who my maid of honor will be or who will walk me down the aisle. After my dad died I thought I would ask my Uncle Ernst. But he died last year and I'm not as close with my other uncles. Mike and I did decide that maybe we wanted to get married in a park. We don't want to do a beach wedding and neither of us is religious, so a church is kind of out. But his mother suggested we rent a hall. The honeymoon is a big question mark. Money is a huge issue. My dream destinations (Italy and England) are definitely out. But I'd like to go out of state. Even though it's somewhere I've already been (having been born there and partially grew up there) I thought about New York. But Mike said he thought we should stay in Florida because plane tickets are expensive. I still don't know. Location is an issue. My mother is pushing for Orlando because it would be closer to her, but Mike isn't too keen on the idea since really she's the only one who would benefit from that set-up. I wouldn't really want to have to travel for two hours on my wedding day. Still a lot to do.

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